The day we met Dr. Arkin, is a day I will never forget. We arrived at her office so very scared and unsure. As a dermatologist, she knows all about birthmarks and Nevi. But she took one look at the lump on his back and stepped out of the room to make a few phone calls. When she returned, this sweet and caring doctor gently broke the news that we wouldn’t be going home that afternoon. Instead we drove from her office to the American Family Children’s Hospital. As my husband drove, I completely broke down.
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Our stay at the hospital ended up lasting 5 days. While we were there Ben was put under general anesthesia to have an MRI looking for any signs of melanin deposited on his brain or spine. The hardest thing I have ever done in my life is to hand over my tiny, 3-week-old baby to the anesthesiologist. We thanked God when the doctors told us that everything looked exactly as it should. A day later he was in surgery to biopsy the lump on his back. The tumor didn’t look like anything our surgeon had seen before. Samples were sent off and we waited for the phone to ring.
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We found ourselves back at the hospital, and in a weird twist of fate, under the care of Dr. Garland, the same amazing plastic surgeon who had done my mother-in-law’s skin grafts after her accident. At a month old, Ben once again had surgery, this time to remove the tumor and areas around the tumor to make sure they got all the cancerous cells. I am not an extremely patient person, waiting to hear what type of cancer your child has is not the type of waiting that anyone should ever have to do. Finally, a piece of the pathology came back, and it ruled out any type of sarcoma and we were back to square one, not knowing what exactly we were dealing with.
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After waiting a few more weeks we got another phone call. It was the call that every person and their loved ones who are diagnosed with cancer hope for. After further pathology, the tumor was found to be a mesenchymal proliferative nodule, a rare but non-cancerous tumor that shouldn’t require further treatment after it was removed. Once again, we thanked God and cried tears of joy. This time we noticed that there was a small lump that seemed to be getting bigger at his incision site. After some testing it was decided that the lump was just a Seroma, a little pocket of fluid that the body would absorb after a week or two.
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A month later we were back at the hospital again, with the lump more than doubled in size. This time they tried to drain the Seroma, but when they inserted the needle, instead of clear-ish fluid all that came out was blood. We made phone calls and sent text messages to make sure someone would be able to feed and milk the cows for us that night while we waited to be called back for another ultrasound.
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We hadn’t had a weekend away just the two of us in years. Once I had my daughter she became my main focus and my marriage was put on the back burner. Our marriage was barely hanging on by a thread. I had thought about divorce and we even talked about it but I really didn’t want my daughter to end up having two homes because ‘Mommy got bored.’ I was willing to stick things out another 13 years until she graduated high school if I needed to.
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While he is at the store, my phone rings. It’s a number I don’t recognize. It’s local but even so I usually let any unknown number go straight to voicemail. For some reason I answer the phone. A woman on the other end asks if she’s speaking to Stefany. I tell her yes, and I ask who she is. She tells me she’s been having an affair with my husband for the past 18 months. My mouth automatically goes dry. I feel like I had just put a handful of cotton balls in my mouth. My heart is racing a mile a minute and I start to sweat. ‘Ok’ I say. And she proceeds to tell me she would come over while I was at work and her and my husband would have sex in my bed. When I went out of town to attend my Aunt’s funeral, she stayed at my house. When I went to spend a week with my sister in California, she was at my house. She even told me he took our daughter to a park and met her and her daughter there.
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He tells me he’s going to go to Safeway to get a few things for dinner. I was fortunate to have a husband that did the majority of the cooking for our family. He worked really early hours and was always home by noon so it didn’t make sense for him to be home for 5 hours then wait for me to cook dinner after I got home from work. As we discussed our weekend getaway, we also talked about taking a week-long vacation somewhere warm and tropical in the spring. We desperately needed to put the spark back in our marriage. I wasn’t even sure if that was possible at this point. The spark had been dead and gone for years.
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I couldn’t believe what I was hearing on the other end of the line. There had been some red flags the past couple of years but I ignored every single one. My thought was that since I was wife #3, he certainly wouldn’t do anything as drastic as have an affair to screw up our relationship. I ask her how the two of them met and she says that’s the one thing she won’t tell me. For some unknown reason I blurt out ‘Ashley Madison?’ And she tells me yes, that’s how they met. Ashley Madison is a dating website for married/coupled individuals who are seeking to have an affair.
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I don’t remember how the conversation ended but soon after, my husband comes home from the grocery store with food to make dinner. I immediately start screaming at him, calling him every dirty name in the book. As I’m screaming my heart is beating a mile a minute, I’m sweating and I’m shaking. Adrenaline has 100% taken over. My husband admits to the affair, begrudgingly apologizes and I’m still screaming at him.
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The next thing I know it’s time to pick up my 5-year-old from a playdate. By the grace of God my daughter wasn’t home to witness me come unhinged. But now I had to become an award winning actress and act as if it’s an ordinary day while having small talk with my daughter’s friend’s mom. As I’m walking out to my car, who should be in my driveway talking to my husband? The other woman. I start screaming at her to get away from my house. I chase her to her car, screaming at her and as she slams the car door closed and flips me off. My husband’s mistress flips off me!
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That night, I kick him out and he stays in a hotel. Before he leaves I get another phone call from the other woman. She’s upset because he won’t return her calls and she has the gall to ask me if I think her and him have a chance of working things out. I am in utter disbelief my husband’s mistress is asking me for love advice. The next few days are a blur. I had just started a new job a couple weeks prior. I have to call my new boss and let her know I can’t make it to work on Monday. I hadn’t eaten since I found out 2 days prior. My diet for the next few weeks would consist of wine and bananas. Definitely not the meal of champions.
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