Through the years, foster care was still on my heart. But I had dealt with some tough experiences leading up to this point in my life. It finally felt like the right moment to explore foster care. My husband was very supportive, and together we went to a foster care information meeting. We sat there for an hour or so listening to the county tell us all the brutally honest and scary aspects of foster care. My son was 8 years old at the time. They told us we have to be prepared that there is a risk for our own biological children to be hurt or harmed from children in foster care.
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They explained that many foster children are so abused and neglected, there’s a chance that that abuse could spill over into our homes and affect our children. We have learned of abuses that some foster children have suffered that I could never write down or say out loud… it is incomprehensible that a human being could hurt another human being in these ways, especially an innocent child. This meeting shook us to the core. We both walked out of there saying this absolutely is not for us. I was not willing to take a chance for my son to be harmed.
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During this time we truly enjoyed and lived life to the fullest. We bought a camper. Enjoyed many trips together as a family of three. We joyfully sat in at my son’s swim meets, baseball games, basketball games, golf outings, robotics meetings. But during this time, I couldn’t shake my calling back from when I was eight years old of wanting to be a foster mama. It kept bubbling to my mind. Even learning and hearing what we heard back at that informational meeting, after how scared I was walking out of that meeting, I was still being called. I would bring it up to my husband, and he would say no way. I’m not risking what we have here. Our life is good and beautiful. But my calling didn’t stop. And our desire for the pitter patter of little feet was so strong.
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Even though I was still as terrified as my husband about foster care, I knew if I didn’t give it a try, I’d forever regret it. I would sit on the adoptuskids.org website and just weep for all the children who didn’t have a home. We had so much to offer, how could we say no? So I prayed. And I prayed. I prayed for wisdom and guidance. And after a bit I approached my husband again. And this time his heart had changed, and he said he too would regret not trying foster care. We didn’t want to look back on life knowing we had so much to give but didn’t follow through. What an answer to prayer!
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In 2015 we became licensed. We said we would take children birth to age four, and we would be open to sibling groups. And shortly thereafter, in November of 2015, we received a call about a newborn baby boy who needed placement. The caller on the other end said, ‘A baby boy was born today. He isn’t safe to go home with mom. This is a TPR (termination of parental rights) case. Are you able to pick him up?’ I said yes of course, and we were ecstatic!!! During our training of becoming foster parents, the county did a good job of making sure us foster parents understood the goal of foster care is reunification. And we were fully on board with that. We did sign up to be an adoption option should children not be able to be reunified. But we knew that would be a long shot. We just wanted to care for little ones and be a safe place for them to land.
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The day we went to the hospital to pick up this little newborn boy, I had so many emotions and thoughts running through my head. Was birth mom going to be there? Would we pass her in the hall and not even know it was her? What is their history? Why can’t she be with her son? Why is he not safe? And as we entered his room, my mind quieted and I fell instantly in love with the beautiful little bundle laying in the bassinet quietly sucking his pacifier. Oh my goodness, his beautiful brown buttery skin… his dark hair… his squishy lips and cheeks. I couldn’t help but look at him and think what a beautiful child of God, and I get the great honor and privilege of loving and caring for him. I was completely in awe and humbled. I couldn’t believe we were at this moment with this sweet boy!
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The nurse lovingly smiled and said, ‘Would you like to hold him?!’ We spent some time with the nurse learning cares for him. He literally only had a diaper to his name that the hospital provided. So we dressed him in some cozy pj’s we bought and placed him in our car seat.
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The very next day he was scheduled for a visit with birth mom. We were nervous. A lot of the classes encouraged keeping distance with birth families, that it usually was hard on them and a lot of times they felt ashamed. We didn’t know what to expect for this first meeting. As we arrived at the safe housing where birth mom was living, the director met us out at our car. The first thing she asked was, ‘Are you able to come meet mom? She would like to meet you both.’ We froze for a moment not knowing what to do.
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We didn’t want to be rude. So we politely agreed. And that began our relationship with birth mom. And for the next 8 months, we loved on this little boy and his mom. We got up with him all hours of the night, brought him to visits with his mom, got to know his mom and developed a good relationship with her, and we could see that this was heading for reunification. We were torn. We had learned more of mom’s history, yet she was doing well with him, yet we were terrified for him. There were so many unknowns still.
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Unfortunately, when my son was two, I went through a divorce. I was a single mom for a couple years until I met the man of my dreams. A man that grew up only two blocks away from me. We knew of each other in high school and had some mutual friends. But this was the first time we really spoke and got to know each other. We quickly learned that family was so important to both of us, and we both wanted many children! We married, and within the first year we realized we were not going to have children biologically. We were so shocked and completely heartbroken. We took some time to grieve. A lot, actually. It was such a shattered dream to both of us.
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