“I am currently pregnant with our sixth child. Four of our kids have taken the experience as it comes. But one of our 3-year-old twin girls, Halen, has wanted to know every single aspect of what being pregnant and having a baby means. I’ve approached this part of parenting with what I refer to as ‘censored truth.’ After all, my kids are all very young and the extreme details of pregnancy and birth are definitely not up for discussion. But I do want them to know, sort of, what happens.
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When she asked me how the baby comes out, I explained to her that mommy will have to ‘push her out of my crotch.’ She took that as me having to use my hands to push down on my belly to force the baby out. So, yeah…that’s what we have rolled with for the last few months. Every once in a while she will bring it back up and ask how the baby will fit through. I keep it light and simple by saying things like, ‘it’s going to hurt’ and, ‘I’ll have to push REALLY hard, but eventually the baby will come out!’
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When her questions about how the baby will eat came up, I explained that milk comes out of mommy’s boobs and the baby will eat directly from them. Halen now sometimes will be sitting next to me on the couch, pull down my shirt, point to my boobs and declare, ‘this is where the baby eats!’ Her interest in the whole thing has been really sweet and innocent. She’s the only one of my children who has had a real desire to learn and talk about the entire process, so I’ve really tried to embrace her curiosity.
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Last week I was out shopping with my little crew when an elderly woman approached us. I’m used to the curiosity my little circus brings and it’s always fun to show them off to inquiring minds. After asking all of their ages and then me mentioning, ‘then another one on the way!,’ while pointing to my growing belly, one of my 3-year-old twins, Halen, had some extra information to share. ‘My mama’s baby is going to come out of her crotch and it’s going to hurt! Then it’s going to eat milk from her boobies!’
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Now…my younger mom-self with just one or two kids would have died inside over the fact my lady parts were being broadcast for the world. I would have been terrified of the judgement I’d receive from this stranger. But, I pushed out twins in an operating room surrounded by more than 15 people. My sense of dignity when it comes to my lady parts and birth is basically nonexistent. And thank goodness, because this woman busted out laughing SO hard over her comment!
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I started laughing too because honestly, how do you not? She’s not wrong, after all! The woman and I stood there with one arm around each other as we dried the comical tears from our eyes. Once the woman got her voice composed enough, she told Halen, ‘You are absolutely right!,’ and then asked her, ‘Are you going to help your mommy feel better after the baby is born?’ Halen shrugged her shoulders. ‘That’s what my daddy is for!’ Wow, 3-year-olds.
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The woman busted out laughing again and praised her humor. I filed this moment away in my memory of things I hope I never forget. Honestly, she could not have been any more perfect in the moment. I loved her honesty and lack of filter. I’m so glad she said exactly what she was thinking. The woman passed by us one more time before leaving the store. ‘You guys have made my whole day! You guys have just made my whole entire day!,’ she kept repeating. Sometimes kids have the best way of bringing strangers together.”
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“I am a single mom of 2. I never once thought this would be the cards I have been dealt. I married 10 days before my high school graduation. At the time, I thought he was the love of my life. We eloped and no one knew. I told my parents two weeks later and let his family know 6 months later. I picked up my life and moved to North Carolina because we were stationed there since he was a Marine. I had nothing and knew no one. I felt so secluded. It wasn’t a happy relationship at all. I left to go back to New York and lived with my aunt for a few months.
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Little did I know – I was pregnant with our first child. I was not happy to say the least, but I also didn’t believe in abortion. My husband was cheating on me non-stop with anyone he could find. He promised to be a better man, and with that, I let him pick me up and I moved back to North Carolina with him. I had no job and no way of income. My parents brought me to America when I was only 8 years old. I was going through the process of getting my green card, so my whole life depended on my husband.
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Things got better for a few months, or so I thought. We went back to New York for our babymoon. He was so busy out with his friends that my in-laws took me everywhere. They made sure I was eating and happy for the sake of the baby. They were mad about him leaving me and being out all night getting drunk with his ‘friends.’ Little did I know that one of his friends was actually his ex-girlfriend. I found his phone and saw the texts between them. There was no doubt he was cheating. I confronted him, and he had told me he no longer loved me and he didn’t want the baby. He didn’t want me. He didn’t care if I died. He said he wouldn’t lose sleep or shed a tear for me. I was so upset. I called a friend, and I left him.
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