Shortly after he was born, Justin and I got engaged and bought a house together. Life was amazing, but soon, it turned for the worse. On August 10, 2008, Connor’s and my life changed forever. Justin had been shot and killed at a party. As everyone at the party stated, ‘Justin was in the wrong place at the wrong time.’ Justin was standing up for a friend who was being bullied at the party and got shot in the process. The kid that shot Justin was sentenced to 21 years in prison. I was left a single mom and lost without my best friend.
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I questioned God, I yelled in anger, ‘Why me?’ I was angry with the boy who killed him, and I laid at night crying myself to sleep. However, my amazing family and friends picked up my broken heart and helped put it back together. My dad Jimmy stepped up and helped with ‘fatherly duties.’ Connor really didn’t understand what happened because he was so young at the time. However, many questions ran in my mind. ‘How will I ever explain what happened to my son’s father?’ ‘Will I ever be able to do this by myself? This isn’t fair for Connor to grow up not knowing his dad.’
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Fast forward a few years to January 3, 2011. Connor and I would once again face another hardship together. My dad (Connor’s grandad) had a tree stand accident. He fell out of a 20- foot tree stand, hit his neck on something, and passed away. Connor and I were once again left feeling lost, but now we were both without a father. Connor took this death a lot harder because he knew my dad and looked up to him. They were best buddies. They went hunting and fishing together all the time.
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In February 2012, I met the man who would forever change mine and Connor’s life. Jonathan and I began dating and I quickly fell completely head over hills for this man. As so did Connor. They became best friends really quickly! I had dated men in the past and they just didn’t understand our story, and most of the time, they didn’t care to keep Justin apart of Connor’s life. However, from the start, Jonathan told my family and me he would never try to replace Justin, but that he would be a dad to him and treat him like his own. I knew then that Jonathan would one day be my husband.
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On August 12, 2012, that dream came true. Jonathan and I got married at a very small church wedding. So, I guess you can say August was a sad month that now can be celebrated as a great month. To us, Jonathan has always been Connor’s father. This man stepped up and took care of this amazing little boy when his daddy was taken from this world. This man has helped kiss every wound, dried every tear, and is always cheering him on. I am forever grateful for this selfless and amazing man for treating Connor as his own. He has never tried to replace Justin and has never tried to take his place. He is not intimidated to talk to Connor about Justin, or teach him who his dad was.
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Connor and I worked together to keep it a secret. I hired Lauren Prevette with Milly photography, SarahMarie Kelley for the sign, my make-up, and my hair. I contacted Carol Carter for the legal paperwork. I then contacted the immediate family which included my mom Marie, my sister Michelle, Justin’s dad Danny, and Justin’s sister Kayla. Justin’s dad agreed. ‘I am thrilled to be a part of this special day! I couldn’t have asked for a better man to raise my grandson or a better father.’
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Justin’s sister brought up a good point that struck me. ‘Everyone hears the story about a child asking their stepparent to adopt them, but how many of you have heard it from the viewpoint of the family of the parent who passed away? Well here you go. I am so thrilled Connor asked Jonathon to adopt him, and I’m even more thrilled I was asked to be a part of such a special day.’
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March 6, 2019, was the big day. Connor and I told Jonathan we were just having family pictures taken at our barn. After we took a few pictures, I sent Connor to the car to ‘get the things I forgot.’ However, the family and Connor were getting all set up for the surprise. I then said, ‘Hey, Connor is taking too long. Let’s go on back.’ That’s when I told Jonathan to close his eyes – we had a surprise. As we walked up, Jonathan kept saying, ‘What is this?’
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Different kinds of abuse have always been present in my life. From a very early age, I was exposed to emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and neglect. I knew what I felt was valid, but I didn’t have the words for it. Luckily, at 13 years old, I found a judge that did. He knew what I meant even though I only had a handful of mumbled sentences and a GAL report to back it up. He granted me a new home with extended family, and I thought I would finally be able to breathe. But as I tried hard to fit in with my new family.
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“Abuse does the strangest things to the human brain. It can make a person forget every word they’ve ever learned and invalidate all happiness ever earned. It can take everything you thought you knew about yourself and completely destroy it all. It’ll quietly mock you while you try for YEARS to put yourself back together. For a long time, I tried so hard to find the person I was. I was so focused that I forgot to be gentle to the person it turned me into.
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