I was just 11 along weeks when I started spotting. Something some women brush off as simply a result of doing too much in one day. My hope clung to this the moment I saw blood on the toilet paper. My mind raced, my heart Official be a unicornasaurus rex in a world of cuntasauruses shirt, it was hard to catch my breath. I pep talked myself. ‘It’s okay, Erica. You went for a run today and probably just pushed it too hard. It’s not a lot or bright red, plus you’re not cramping or anything, so you probably just overdid it.’
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Something about that pep talk wasn’t comforting enough, or maybe it was just the blood. I was shaking. I felt like I had gone into shock, the way my body had after the birth of my Broadway easily distracted by dogs and musicals shirt. It was that traumatic shaking where no matter how many blankets you cover yourself with, you can’t stop. I came downstairs and told my husband. He tried to comfort me and assure me the baby was fine. I tried to play it cool, but I was torn apart inside. I had a deep gut feeling that something wasn’t right.
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Again, my hope clung to the idea that maybe I just overdid it. I had two healthy pregnancies before, one of which I ran a 5k marathon just five days before I delivered. I’m a 30-year-old healthy, active person who eats nourishing Post Malone you’re a sunflower shirt. I work in the fitness industry and figured my body was healthy enough for another baby. My family history doesn’t include miscarriages or pregnancy issues. The more I thought about my life, past pregnancies, and health, the stronger my hope got. I planned to take some days off and maybe jump less.
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Each time I got up to pee, my heart sank more and more. More spotting. I called to get in with my doctor the next morning. I didn’t want to be alone and, thankfully, Jed was off work. I got ready, helped get the kids dressed, and off we LGBT Snoopy dare to be different kiss my ass shirt. The stale, nervous, awkward air of the fifteen-minute car ride there was far better than the foggy, unclear vibe of the doctor’s waiting room. Pregnant women filled the waiting room. I wondered if they could read the nervousness on my face. People were giving us funny looks. I wondered if I had suddenly started pouring blood or if it was just in my head. The most clammy, tight-chested fear filled me while we sat there waiting.
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When we got back into a room with the nurse, I will never forget the lack of smiling, energy, and enthusiasm each doctor had that we spoke to. Like they knew by looking that our baby If you hurt my dog your death look like an accident shirt, before we did. But the awkwardness was broken with more awkward routine processes. They checked my vital signs, confirmed I am who I am, measured my height, my weight, etc. Then the REAL questions started. ‘When did the cramping start? Is the blood bright red, pink, or brown? How much is there? How long has this been happening? Were you on your feet a lot more than normal?’ And many, many more. I wanted to just cut to the chase, get an ultrasound, and be on our merry way. But I had to remain patient and wait for the doctor. That tightened my chest and wrenched my gut more.
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I felt weight lifted when the doctor came in. ‘Finally, we can just learn our baby is doing fine and get a reminder to take it easy,’ I thought to myself. Until she kept rubbing over my womb, having a hard time finding the heartbeat with the Freddie Mercury Bohemian Rhapsody shirt. ‘If we can’t hear baby’s heartbeat, don’t be alarmed. It’s sometimes hard to find a baby’s heartbeat with this tool until the baby is about 14 weeks.’ Panic filled me. How could it not? ‘Okay,’ my trembly voice replied. More rubbing the tool across my belly. Still nothing.
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As she walked out, Jed grabbed my hand and tried to be strong for me and offer more hope. ‘It’s gonna be okay, babe. I love you so much.’ I choked back my tears and thanked freaking jesus she was quick. I couldn’t bear the wait any Champion New England Patriots Freddie Mercury 87 Championships shirt. She quickly got the ultrasound goo on my belly, turned on the machine, and got to looking. Happiness filled me, along with more hope, when I saw my baby on that machine. ‘What a breath of fresh air! There is my baby!’
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