And hunger. Oh god, the hunger. Hours of my day were spent fantasizing about food. I would journal about it, dream about it, think about it constantly. I would devour food blogs as if I could eat with my eyes. I would have dreams of eating massive amounts of food and wake up feeling like I’d just had the nightmare of my life. One day, I’m a simple woman I like Game Pizza and Cat shirt. I couldn’t take the hunger anymore. I swung the pendulum to the opposite end and stuffed myself with anything and everything I could get my hands on until my belly was painfully swollen. Wracked with guilt and shame, I marched myself to the bathroom and forced myself to vomit without a second thought. Instant relief. ‘I’ve found the cheat code,’ I thought to myself.
Let’s be honest I was crazy before the chickens shirt
Bulimia became my saving grace and ruthless captor in a tangled, hellish mess of a cycle. Binge, purge, starve, repeat. I did horrible, disgusting things I’d never dreamed I would do, and yet I’d return to the cycle time after Let’s be honest I was crazy before the chickens shirt. I stayed in this cycle like a hamster in a wheel for the rest of my high school years, and almost miraculously it stopped when I met my current boyfriend, graduated high school, and started living on my own.
Captain Marvel’s Cat bring me Thanos shirt
For almost a year, I believed I had recovered. That my bulimia had just been a long and horrible phase that was only circumstantial in nature. But sure enough, it reared its head again when I ‘innocently’ decided to lose a few pounds before vacation. Before I knew it, I was diving head first into the reincarnation of my high school eating Captain Marvel’s Cat bring me Thanos shirt. I started an Instagram account to showcase my dedication to losing weight, and people showered me with compliments and support. But as I basked in the congratulatory remarks for my weight loss, I was already starting to feel controlled by my eating disorder. Before long, it felt like I was drowning in a sea of self-hate.
Teacher pencil IEP Encourage Progress shirt
I was completely consumed by thoughts of calories and food. I’d spend hours logging every morsel of food I ate, and then I’d log my future meals. I would think about dinner while eating lunch. I would look at food porn constantly. The nightmares of bingeing returned. The body Teacher pencil IEP Encourage Progress shirt returned with a vengeance, even stronger than before. I would constantly pick apart my body throughout the day, but especially if I hadn’t lost any weight since the previous day. I hid my body from my partner, believing it didn’t deserve to be seen or loved in its hideousness. I was starving for more than food. I was starving for self-love.
The Golden Butthole sterling heights shirt
I knew I was in a bad place, but I was too terrified to leave. My big wake-up call came in the summer of 2016. I took a trip with my mom and little brother. Instead of being present with them, I’d been grouchy, lethargic, and glued to my calorie counting app. I laid in the hotel bed that night with tears rolling down my The Golden Butthole sterling heights shirt. I realized all the times my brother had tried to play with me, and I’d either snapped at him to be quiet or simply ignored him as I plugged calories into my app. I remember thinking, ‘I cannot live like this anymore.’ Did I really want to spend my days fretting over whether a burger had mayonnaise on it or not? Would I just continue to allow life to pass me by while I cried in the mirror and entered calories into my food journal?
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