Within 5 days of finding out about my husband’s affair I sell my wedding ring, contact an attorney and begin to look for a new place to live. The one thing we agreed on is neither of us will keep the house. The mortgage was too much for either one of us to pay solo. We would put the house on the market. So many gut instinct moments flash through my head during this month; in between my old life and my new life. I remember the fake Facebook account from someone named Joseph Smith who messaged me to let me know my husband was having an affair. I messaged this person back in front of my husband and even thought this ‘Joseph Smith’ knew what car I drove, both of my kids’ names and even my dog’s name. I believed his denial and assumed this was someone out to get us. I was so scared I had a stalker I called and filed a police report the next morning. I even bought a Taser and mace to keep with me at all times.
Lips Kiss me I’m a March girl or Irish or drunk or whatever shirt
My husband knew all this and said nothing. I remember his few weekend getaways with a friend he never spoke to anymore. I always knew something wasn’t right but I had wanted him to hang out with his friends so badly I thought it was a good thing he was getting away. I remember the weird phone calls I would get from a random phone number but no one would be on the other line. My husband would get the same call minutes later. I would later find out after looking at an old phone bill those calls were coming from the other woman’s phone number. I remember the Facebook friend request I received from the other woman mid affair. I didn’t accept it because I never accept friend requests from strangers. But I did message her asking how she knew me. She said she didn’t, and was just looking for moms to bounce ideas off of.
April girl with tattoos pretty and yes and thick thighs shirt
As my divorce attorney is drafting up temporary orders it’s her recommendation that he get a restraining order from the other woman. After her showing up at my house, after she called me to spill the beans, all the phone calls, the Facebook messages, he doesn’t think it’s necessary. The best I can do is state in my temporary order the other woman is to be nowhere near my daughter. That makes me breathe a sigh of relief. On April 24, 2015 my divorce is finalized.
Dory Fish I’m never drinking again oh look wine shirt
I honestly hated this man, and this is a feeling I rarely get (if ever) for anyone. Just the thought of him made my heart race. I would begin to sweat and I’d get a sudden urge to scream obscenities. It was like someone had taken hold of my emotions and wouldn’t let the real me have a say in what happened. A year goes by and I’m still angry every time I think of my now ex-husband and his mistress. I’ve gotten better about controlling my anger and I don’t lash out at my ex nearly as much as I used to, but the anger is still there. But I do know this; I love my daughter more than I hate my ex-husband.
Type one the one where my pancreas doesn’t work shirt
In December, 2015 I convinced myself I needed to go to therapy. I couldn’t shake this anger and I don’t like what it does to me physically and emotionally. After 6 months of intense therapy, I am a new woman. I put my divorce journey into two categories; before and after. Before therapy I’d go to what I named ‘Crazy Town’ frequently and without warning. The slightest mishap between my ex and I would send me there. I describe crazy town as a room you enter with two doors wide open and you’re able to come and go as you please. You can become in essence a crazy deranged lunatic who has no regard for what comes out of her mouth and how loudly she yells.
I run on caffeine pug hair and cuss words shirt
After therapy, Crazy Town is now manned by two armed guards protecting the entrance. You have to pass by these two before you can even enter. On the rare instance I want to go back, the guards politely remind me I don’t belong there anymore and to go back home. To this request, I kindly oblige. Months pass and as the saying goes ‘time heals all wounds.’ That time consisted of therapy, TED talks, self help books, hiking, and most importantly; friends. My goal was to get to a place of ‘Meh’ with my ex-husband. I didn’t want to hate him anymore and I certainly didn’t need to love him either. I finally reached that goal.
Kiss me I’m Gay or Irish or drunk or whatever shirt
Now, we attend our daughter’s birthday parties together, her soccer games and we even chat on the phone periodically about other things besides my daughter. It really is remarkable how far we’ve come. My daughter is well adjusted; she knows she has two parents who love her. She has a ton of friends, she does well in school and she is kind. I couldn’t ask for a better child to parent. I wish my ex the best and I truly mean that. Although I wish he’d never had an affair; it got me out of a marriage I so desperately needed to leave.”
RIP Luke Perry 90210 Angel wings Shirt
I remember the day the program went public, I had an internal debate with myself. I had not publicly talked about the program at all on social media. In fact, I barely used social media. I had an Instagram account that had two posts and 10 followers and a Facebook that barely kept friends and family in touch. But since I was embracing scary things, I figured what the hell. I played the first workout on my computer while my girls watched, and I hit record on my phone. I filmed them asking if that was me on the screen and watched their amazement as their mom appeared on TV. I posted this clip as the third post on my Instagram. Each time I opened my Instagram account, I was amazed. Thousands of women followed me and encouraged me as I continued my journey. They said things like, ‘You are an inspiration’. Coming from a place of pure brokenness to a place where people viewed me as an inspiration was almost unbelievable. I felt that I owed them my honesty and so I continued posting about my experiences, good, bad or ugly. And they continued responding. It was the most beautiful thing and a wonderful gift.
Pikachu Hitokage Fushigidane We are never too old for Pokemon Super hero shirt
But as the days passed by, I began to transform from the inside out. The program wasn’t just a workout to me. It was a way to prove to myself that I was valuable, that I could do hard things, that I was worthy of success. I started to feel better about myself. I started to feel confident again. Then my body started to do things; I saw my first two pack abs, I noticed that I actually had built a butt. My work was building things that I never thought would be possible. It was a valuable lesson; if I could make my body do things that I never thought would be possible, what else could I do that I didn’t think was possible?
Autism traveling life’s journey using a different roadmap shirt
I wish I could say that I had some secret solution that ended my pain, but life just isn’t that easy. I kept pushing forward, stumbling my way through this new life I was leading. I tried to occupy my time with outings with friends where I would continue my blubbering cryfest. On one occasion, as I was recounting the unfortunate events of my life to one of my friends, she offered me an opportunity. ‘Why don’t you audition for this new workout program I created? I can’t promise you that you will get cast but it is worth a shot?’ said Autumn Calabrese. ‘Ok,’ I said, thinking that no one would cast me in such a thing. I went to the audition and I cried because that is what my life consisted of at that moment. I told the producers how I felt empty and ashamed of myself. I told them that I had zero confidence because it was stripped away in my marriage and its dissolution. I told them that I wanted to feel better, not just look better. And as I left, I thought to myself, ‘Man, you really blew that one’. The next day, they offered me the job.
Luke Perry 90210 1966-2019 thanks for the memo shirt
When people talk about hitting rock bottom, I now know what that feels like. When it seems that life will never have meaning or happiness. When the clouds around you are so thick that light cannot shine through and becomes an afterthought. I didn’t know how I would make it. I just tried to get through the day without bursting in tears. I failed on most days. And while I blubbered around in a pool of tears, I started talking to people. With work, kids and husband, I didn’t have any close friends. But when you need something, life has a way of delivering. And somehow, I found myself surrounded by women who were willing to listen to me. They let me cry endlessly on their shoulders. They defended me when I thought everything was my fault. They reminded me of my worth and value, even though I rolled my eyes when they said it. They were there for me and I was finally allowing them to see me in all of my brokenness.
Luke Perry 90210 Shirt
From there, life became a blur. I flew home and arranged for her burial. I was a walking zombie, unable to comprehend what just happened. When I arrived back home, things got worse. My husband wanted to see the kids and started taking them every weekend. I was left alone, with no one, for the first time in 12 years. I didn’t know how to come to terms with the fact that in the span of 5 days, I had lost the two most important people in my life, my husband and my mother. I felt completely broken, like a shell of a person. I just wanted to go home. After all, I had a house that I could live in since my mother’s passing. My family had a business I could work until I found something more suitable. I had a family that I could depend on if I needed help. It seemed like the most logical plan of action. Unfortunately, my soon-to-be ex-husband did not agree, and a giant custody battle ensued.
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