He was a scheduled c-section and born healthy. Within a couple of weeks, I lost 20 lbs. I was officially the lightest I have ever been without an eating disorder. It was very difficult for me to find balance of having a 2-year-old and a newborn. Bonding with Edison was something that came harder than I thought it would. He has reflux, which caused esophagitis, and he also was diagnosed with laryngomalacia. He was a fussy baby that cried all day and didn’t sleep at night. Between my daughter begging me to pick her up and I couldn’t because of my incision, and him screaming almost constantly, tears would continuously flow from my eyes throughout the day. I wasn’t sure if it was postpartum depression or just feeling overwhelmed.
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Edison’s pediatrician gave me a test for PPD, and then told me my results were to seek help. I felt so embarrassed. Almost like that girl caught in school again. My cheeks lit up, a wonderful trait of mine that happens too often with my anxiety. I told her I was fine and went home. I was supposed to have it all together. I am supposed to feel blessed and thankful for my kids that took so long to conceive. I knew I had to do something for myself, to gather sanity again. I felt on days, that hurting myself could be the answer and I knew I couldn’t do that to my marriage or my children.
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I knew if I could just get to 6 weeks postpartum and start working out again, I could channel my anxiety and depression. I got cleared by the doctor and 6 weeks postpartum on the dot, I pressed play. There is something about channeling my strength within my workouts that keeps me centered. I take just 30 minutes to my day, and make sure this happens. I blast music and have a dance party in between reps with my 2-year-old, while my buddy boy rolls around on his tummy time mat.
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