When she’s trying to tell you something and the kids are climbing all over her and not letting her speak, show them the example by asking them to wait. Teach them that her voice is important and worthy to be heard. Put your phone down, look at her and listen. Show her you’re on her side, that if she acts crazy and says she wants to fly to the moon, be that person that will help her build a rocket ship. Be her friend. Be her support. Be her cheer squad.
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In what felt like the blink of an eye, I went from being my dad’s sous-chef, looking forward to the weekends when we could spend the day in the kitchen trying new recipes, to crying in pain after eating just a few bites of food. Over the next several months, the unexplained pain, fatigue, and weight loss continued until I became medically unstable and was admitted to one of the nation’s top children’s hospitals. They ran test after test, but not a single one gave us any answers as to why eating was causing me so much pain.
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Eventually, the doctors stopped searching for answers and diagnosed me with an eating disorder. I remember that day like it was yesterday—a nurse came and took my parents into another room down the hall, then, not even five minutes later, a psychologist I had never met came into my room with a team of 10 doctors. These unfamiliar doctors stood surrounding my bed while the psychologist pulled a chair up next to me and said, ‘We have looked over your chart and have diagnosed you with Anorexia Nervosa.’ With tears welling up in my eyes, I was only able to mutter one question: ‘But why does it hurt so much when I eat?’ Nobody answered me.
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For what felt like an eternity, I laid quietly in my hospital bed, still surrounded by these strangers who were supposed to be some of the best doctors in the country, until a young-looking doctor standing across from the psychologist broke the silence, ‘your head messing with you, there is nothing physically wrong.’
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I spent the next 3 years in and out of the hospital pushing through the pain of being force-fed, but still experiencing worsening symptoms despite following my doctor’s instructions. As time went on I started to doubt my intuition and wonder if maybe this pain was my fault, but deep down I just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something we were missing. So, what do you do when the people who are supposed to make you feel better only make you feel worse?
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One night, as I laid in bed too nauseous to fall asleep, I overheard my parents talking to my grandfather, a physician at another leading children’s hospital, about how sick I was getting. We were all hesitant to leave the hospital where I was originally treated because it was supposed to be ‘the best,’ but my grandfather explained that no matter how smart or how compassionate a doctor may be, they will never be able to ‘fix’ every patient that comes through their door. All doctors have their own unique knowledge and experience, which they use as tools to address the needs of the patients who come to them for help.
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He explained that if the patient’s needs match with the doctor’s knowledge and experience, like a screw and a screwdriver, that patient will likely benefit from and succeed through that patient/provider partnership. On the other hand, if the patient’s needs were different, like a nail, for example, the screwdriver may be able to hit that nail into the wood a bit, but a hammer would be a better tool for the job. No matter how amazing that screwdriver is, it isn’t the tool that will be the most successful.
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