Binging and purging was my way to go, so when I stopped purging and continued to binge, my weight climbed quickly. We got married when I was 19 in 2010. A few days before my wedding day, my dress had to be let out because I couldn’t control myself. I weighed over 230 lbs. 60 lbs heavier than just a few short years prior. I was drinking, smoking and eating my way through the depression and anxiety I felt with failed coping mechanisms that just didn’t work for me.
Grease Movie Beauty School Dropout Shirt
Flamingos Drink Wine Shirt
A couple of years into our marriage, my husband and I wanted to grow our family. We started to try to conceive, and years went by with no success. I got diagnosed with PCOS and was told it would be very hard for me to have children. One thing I could do to help was lose weight, stop drinking and stop smoking. I started weight loss right away. At this point I had climbed up to 280 lbs. I wasn’t going to stop drinking or smoking. I spent a lot of time at the bar, and sleeping in the next day to make my hangover go away.
Goodfellas Tommy DeVito Jimmy Conway no you ain’t alright spider Shirt
Once I got up, I did work out though! So, I thought ‘progress!’ I lost weight. About 60 lbs worth. Still no success in pregnancy, so I stopped smoking. I still drank because I did not want to give that up. Throughout these months that turned into years, I would relapse with my Eating Disorder and Self Harm. I would lock myself in the bathroom while my Husband would pound on the door, begging me to let him in. I wouldn’t.
Some of us grew up listening to Kris Kristofferson he cool ones still do shirt
It was always so hard to hear my friends say things like, ‘I don’t want to upset you, but I’m pregnant!’ I was truly, always so excited for them. I felt terrible that even my friends felt uncomfortable telling me the most wonderful news. You better believe though, I would come home and throw some cold ones back and cry myself to sleep about why it couldn’t be me.
I am a daughter of the king and goes before me I do not dear because I am his sunflower shirt
In November of 2015 I couldn’t believe what I was staring at. My heart pounded, and my mind raced. A positive pregnancy test. Was this real? Was it a faulty test? I took another one just to be sure. Still positive! It read 2-3 weeks pregnant. My baby was so tiny, but he or she was there, in my belly. My husband and I were so excited and told our closest friends and family but kept it a secret from others just in case. We had our annual White Elephant party on December 22nd that year, and I even made pretend drinks for myself to fool everyone that did not know. I was sure I was going to do this right. I had the friends that knew sneak me into the bathroom to rub my belly and cry tears of joy with me. ‘We love you so much already little one!’
Baby Stitch and Mickey mouse Weed Disney shirt
The next morning, I woke up to spotting. And the spotting turned into heavy bleeding. I went in for bloodwork, and I in fact, was miscarrying. I will never forget when my Husband came home from work with pizza. He wanted to make me feel better, and comfort food was the way to my heart. He walked in the door, and made eye contact with me. I had spent all day staring at the wall in my living room and crying on and off. He dropped the pizza on the floor and started sobbing. We held each other for a long time. We then decided we were going to go climb in bed with our pizza and not yet wrapped Christmas presents and exchange gifts two days before Christmas. Anything to bring a smile to our faces.
Dragon ball the unmerciful Frieza the greatest villain of all time shirt
I was a restaurant manager at the time. Our biggest day of the year was Christmas Day. I had to labor my baby while managing a staff and running a packed restaurant. At night, I would rock back and forth in pain and sob as my husband rubbed my back. Not only did I have to lose the one thing I’ve always wanted, but why did it have to be so painful? I told myself, I am doing it right this time. I am going to make a healthy baby with my Husband. I stopped drinking and continued to get healthy with my eating habits and work out routines.
August burns red Dragon shirt
In February of 2016, just two months later, we got pregnant with our sweet Eleanor. I was petrified. I was so careful. I didn’t want to work out because I didn’t want to hurt this baby, but I tried to be good with my eating habits. In April, my husband’s father had a stroke that he did not recover from. It devastated us beyond words, and that’s why we named our sweet rainbow baby Eleanor. It means ‘the bright one.’ She was the light at the end of the tunnel. The reason we kept moving forward. With this devastation, came food. Lots of it because of I was pregnant and would lose it for sure, right? I gained all the weight back and tipped the scales back at 280 lbs. My water broke at 39 weeks and I knew the color wasn’t right. It was brown.
Turtle are green ducks go quack we’re best friends cause our heads are equally whack shirt
Eleanor had aspirated her meconium in the womb and was struggling. We found out the cord was also wrapped around her neck twice. I remember the Doctor turning to me and saying, ‘Emily, we have to get this baby out now!’ They threw scrubs at my husband and wheeled me off to a C-section. She was born not crying, and I didn’t get to see her. She was in the NICU for a week due to low oxygen and an unidentified infection. Even after finally having my miracle baby, I couldn’t even feed her for the first 3 days of her life. I didn’t get to hold her for almost 48 hours. Now she is a healthy and sassy little 2-year-old that is in the middle of potty training. I couldn’t be more thankful for her.
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