“We’re two weeks into soccer season, and my 4-year-old and 11-year-old are playing. Here are a few thoughts, observations, and exaggerations I’ve had on the subject: Before the opening jamboree I literally participated in a knife fight to win a parking spot. My Top T-Shirt KingTees Shop 07/04/2019 was in charge of getting his own water, a charge he failed at, tried to blame me for, and will probably bring up on a daytime talk show someday when explaining why he joined a cult. I screamed ‘Do you need to pee?’ at my 4-year-old during her game. She said, ‘No’ and then peed her pants. Couldn’t help but respect her dedication to the game. We forgot snacks on a doubleheader and my children acted as though they were wandering the desert with Moses.
My 11-year-old put soccer socks inside out and full of grass in the laundry basket. They became a grass bomb and I had to clean the washing machine. Crap like this is why I sometimes imagine driving my van into the ocean. Cashed out my retirement to buy snow cones from the only source of nourishment that didn’t require me to lose my parking spot. I didn’t want to have to cut someone again. Overpriced snow cone was below average. My Top T-Shirt KingTees Shop 07/04/2019 listens to her soccer coach better than she’s ever listened to me in the history of her life, and I’m trying really hard not to be bitter about that. Grudgingly bought more snow cones during a three-game Saturday.
From: Shop Funny Shirt
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