Eventually she was able to get me up, in the elevator, and up to my apartment. When I walked in my front door, I turned sharply to the right, in doing so I lost my footing and fell. I fell face first into a solid wood door frame and eventually to the concrete floor. I can remember every second of this fall. I can feel the force of my head slamming into the corner of the wood door frame and eventually into the concrete, I can still hear the sound of my scull popping when impact was made, I remember that my arms and legs felt like Jell-O – they were twisted and just wouldn’t work.
Bay Area Sport Team Shirt
I can remember picking my head up to look at Alexis as she was standing behind me and scrambling and scaping to help me, and all I could see out of my right eye was flesh. Swollen flesh. The impact on my head had created a hematoma so large on my forehead that it covered my right eye. Immediately, my next thoughts were to get it together so that Alexis would leave my apartment and I could get a drink.
Donald Trump if you build it they won’t come shirt
I immediately put ice on my eye to hide it and somehow convinced her that I was fine and would check in with her the next day. So, there I was – beat up with a tremendous head injury, alone in my gorgeous apartment sicker than I had ever been. I poured a glass of pinot grigio, took 8 or 10 sleep aids, kissed my dogs (who were laying on the floor beside my bed) and went to sleep – praying that I would not wake.
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At 7 a.m. the next morning, I awoke to realize I had no vision out of my right eye and was in tremendous pain. I got to the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror. For the first time in my 35 years, the outside of my body matched exactly what I was feeling on the inside. All the shame, guilt, disappointment, and pure hatred that I had always had for myself was right there on my face, literally. What I saw in the mirror matched exactly what I felt deep in my soul. It was that moment I knew I had a choice. Life or death. If I continued drinking, then I would die. If I didn’t drink, I might live. But I had NO idea how to live without alcohol. Alcohol had been the one constant in my life and I couldn’t imagine going on without it.
Baby Stitch Starbucks coffee Shirt
Fortunately, my mom is in recovery, so I made a phone call that no mom ever wants to get. Within an hour, my mom was at my apartment and I will never forget the look of absolute terror on her face when I removed the ice from my right eye. All at once, she could see the immense amount of pain I was in physically, emotionally and mentally. With the support of my family, I was able to enter an Intensive Outpatient Rehab program in Memphis. Along with an incredibly strong rehab program and 12 step recovery program, I am currently 599 days sober.
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