“I found out I was pregnant on Father’s Day, 2017. My pregnancy was different then the first time around. Sickness, vomiting, I had to eat everything cold and I was extra emotional. I knew it was a girl, it had to be. At twenty weeks, we had the ultrasound, she said ‘it’s a girl.’ I teared up. Now I was going to get my girl to go with my little boy and I was going to have the best of both worlds. Pregnancy for the most part was easy. I would sing to her, read to her, had maternity pictures, made the perfect nursery, I was so ready for her, I never thought her birth would be anything but perfect.
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October 8th 2015 – The day I had my first born, Dawson. The worst pain I’ve ever experienced. I waited out the pain meds until I dilated at a seven, thinking I was going to have a natural birth, once again I was wrong. I pushed until I puked and blacked out. It wore me out so much, but when I pushed him out, heard his cry, saw him as he entered the world it was immediate, I loved him, I was connected, I was a mommy!
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March 4th 2018 – My water breaks as I’m lying on the couch, I decide to wait it out for a while at home. Labor pains and contractions really start in, I call Jade, my fiancé, he and I arrive at the hospital dilated and ready for an epidural. Everything is smooth sailing. I think to myself ‘This is going to be way easier then the first.’ Wrong.
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March 5th 2018 – around 1:30 a.m. I get my epidural, I’m super excited this labor so far has been a breeze. The nurse checks my dilation directly after the epidural. I will never forget her eyes. She looked directly at me. Started shouting to other nurses to get the doctor. ‘What’s going on, what’s happening?’ ‘The cord is hanging out of you, prolapsed cord.’ ‘What does that mean?’ ‘It means you’re going to have an emergency c-section within the next few minutes.’ ‘Wait, what? What’s going on? Is our baby okay, am I okay?’
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No one’s talking to me, they are all talking to each other. The nurse is riding down the hall, hand still up there so the baby’s head doesn’t come down and cut off the baby’s supply of oxygen. They tell Jade you can’t come back, you have to stay in the room. I’m rolling down the hall looking at lights in the ceiling as I go by, I wonder what is going to happen. There are so many doctors in this room, everyone is rushing around, instruments coming out of packages, doctors talking in lingo. ‘We don’t have time to numb your bottom half, you will be put out.’ And that’s it, that’s all I remember. I wake up and Jade’s standing there with Layla. 10 lbs. 3 ozs. of perfection. But something isn’t right.
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