It felt like there was so much pressure leading up to the night. I was so nervous to have sex. I was not in a good place mentally, it was the peak of my postpartum depression. My body was still very much in its postpartum. My boobs seemed to constantly leak milk. I was pumping around the clock and I struggled to feel beautiful in my new body. I was afraid of disappointing my husband sexually and ruining our sacred alone time together that we had been needing so desperately.
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Maybe for some women, sex after you birth a child is magical and amazing. But for me, it couldn’t have been further from the truth. I can’t be the only Mom out there who felt like this after giving birth? I wish I could have been more prepared or even offered myself grace instead of pressure for all my feelings.
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I will spare you the details, but let’s just say it ended with me crying and feeling even more insecure. I carried so much pressure for the night itself. We couldn’t have sex during my pregnancy because I was so high risk, so needless to say, it had been awhile. I struggled to feel attractive and was worried about how it would feel down there. Ugh, just thinking about it makes me cringe. I was so embarrassed and feel blushed just sharing with you.
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