We have been living with my parents for 3.5 years now. It’s hard to believe how fast the time has gone by. I would be lying to you if I said it has been easy, because it hasn’t been. We have always said the only way our living situation would work is if we had honest conversations and healthy boundaries, which is something we try really hard to do. Sometimes it has been awkward and uncomfortable, but it is incredibly important to have those hard conversations and be honest with one another.
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My husband and I have been working hard to save for a home for the last 4 years. But recently God brought us an opportunity to rent a home just TWO doors down from my parents! TWO DOORS!!! We move in this weekend and my heart rejoices. I couldn’t be more excited! God always knows the details and we are incredibly thankful for how God provided for our family and look forward to seeing what He has for us in the future!”
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“I had a perfect life. I had two toddlers, a successful husband, a sought-after career as a Television producer, the type of work that they made movies about. Was I happy? I was so distracted with the endless to-do lists of motherhood and a demanding job that kept me at the office until all hours, that I never even asked myself if I was happy. I was an afterthought and apparently, I wasn’t the only one who thought so.
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It was a regular day at the office. My husband had been acting weird for the last few months. I thought he was going through a mid-life crisis since turning 40. After all, we just had a baby a year ago and our four-year-old daughter was quite the handful. It was the night of our 8-year wedding anniversary. I made a reservation to show him that I was making an effort in our marriage. That was important to him and I wasn’t great at it. As I pulled up, I see him standing outside holding a red Solo cup. He came with a cocktail. I thought to myself, ‘Interesting.’
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We went into the restaurant. I knew he was already a bit tipsy. We sat at the bar as we waited for our table. I was in the corner. He chalked it up with the bartender, discussing whiskey and trying their different varieties. I felt invisible. I never felt invisible to him. We went home and I asked him what was going on, he wasn’t himself. He admitted that he felt ‘lost’ in our relationship. I was confused about what ‘lost’ meant. He asked if he should get an Airbnb for the night. I thought that was ridiculous. We had never discussed moving out, separating or divorce, where was this coming from? So, we went to sleep. We spend the rest of the weekend, pretending to be the perfect couple in front of our kids, our friends and family. But my heart was aching for answers and I wasn’t giving up on finding them. Sunday came around and when I pressed him, he said he had booked an Airbnb and would be staying there for the next week. I was heartbroken, lost, confused.
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As the days passed, I still wasn’t getting answers, so I agreed to go with him to therapy. The things he would say in therapy were like I was sitting in a room with a stranger. ‘I am superman in the bedroom’ he said one day. I thought to myself, ‘Who is this man? And why haven’t I seen Superman?’ It became clear that someone else had, so I did some digging. I started with our bank statement. Nothing. I looked at our credit card. Weird. I can’t see any purchases. Hmmm. I emailed our money manager, ‘Can you please send me all withdrawals from our savings account from the last 18 months?’. One hour later, I saw the purchase from Tiffany.
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My life turned into a made for tv movie from there. He came home from work and I could barely wait till the kids went to bed to hear what he had to say. I was locked in my room, having just put our one-year-old to sleep, while he put our 4-year-old to bed. I heard his phone buzz in his jacket pocket from the closet. I went to look at it. I had never done that before but why not? Nothing to lose at this point. As I looked inside his jacket pocket, I found his phone and a letter addressed to me. I opened it.
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I started with our bank statement. Nothing. I looked at our credit card. Weird. I can’t see any purchases. Hmmm. I emailed our money manager, ‘Can you please send me all withdrawals from our savings account from the last 18 months?’. One hour later, I saw the purchase from Tiffany. That was the turning point in my life. Those seven letters which typically bring such joy were destroying my ‘perfect’ life. I emailed my husband, ‘Any idea what this charge is?’ Radio silence. So not like him. Hours later, ‘we can discuss it when I get home’. I was right.
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‘Carrie, I’m sorry and regret that things have come to this point. I am a villain of my own making and as a result, have not been myself for a long time. It’s a role that I am not comfortable playing. You’ve sensed it, experienced it and hated it — justifiably so! I hate what it has done to me, and frankly, I hate what it’s done to you. You don’t deserve it’ A sense of terror and relief came over me. I was terrified to read the rest of the letter but relieved that he justified the weirdness I had been feeling for a long time. I’m not crazy. Whew. So, I kept reading…
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Tears of hurt and anger began to pour down my face. I felt like the Hulk and wanted a car to throw or a building to smash but instead, I found his phone that was still beeping. I felt a sense of freedom at that moment. He wasn’t going to tell me that I wasn’t entitled to know more than this selfish admission. So, I started with his phone records. Nothing. Checked his email. Nothing. He was smart. I knew this about him. Then I checked his email drafts. Bingo. I found an email that he never sent to his former assistant, with whom he was having this affair. In the email, he was begging her for more time before he left me; pleading for three more months. I was devastated. All the signs were there; the late nights, disappearing acts, but I never envisioned him as a cheater. How could he cheat on me? I was smart, pretty, had a great career. But sometimes, life delivers unexplainable events that are outside our control.
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